I grew up in the church, and had always heard about God, even from the time that I was a small child. I remember devotionals and trying to read the Bible at a very early age, and I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior when I was six years of age. Maybe that lead to the very special moment in my life that I am going to tell you about. But it does not stop there, because those were my roots, the foundation of everything to come, and even in the bad times, those times when I was walking in sin, I still did not stray very far from God.
When I was six years old, I went to a Billy Graham crusade. I remember that the coliseum was packed with people. And after the service, hundreds of people went forward for prayer. I remember thinking that God had to be there for that many people to be so touched. I was waiting after the service, because my grandmother was a prayer partner, and we had all come in the same car. As I waited, I was thinking about God, thinking about how God had to be there. And in my small minded, innocent way, I began looking for God.
I imaged that if God were there, He would be "high up". So I began climbing the stairs to the very top bleacher at the top of the coliseum. Once there I walked around, peeking in the camera booths, looking all around, trying to find God. I saw nothing and decided to give up and head back down to find my mother.
I had only gone down about 5 or 6 steps, and I feel a hand on my shoulder. I turned to look and there was no one there, and I knew it was God. That moment in time will stay with me forever, because during those few seconds, all time seemed to stop. During those few seconds, I feel a peace come over me, and I feel love that I had never felt before, and until my recent walk with Christ, I had not ever felt since that time. It was an incredible moment. That moment that has always been with me. Even in my darkest moments, during the bad times, I still did not stray very far from God. Thank God that I did not, because it would have made the road back to God, referring to the refining process, a much harder one to travel.
There was a time when I was a regular party girl. I smoked too much, drank too much, and had relationships that I should have never had. At the time, I believed that I was having fun. Looking back from where I am now, it was not much fun. There were many embarrassing moments, moments of disgrace, broken relationships and most of all of that time I wish I could erase. I reasoned the whole time, that God was a forgiving God and all I had to do was ask for forgiveness, something that I would get around to eventually, after I finished having fun. I also reasoned that while the Bible was very real, it was written so long ago, and times had changed.
In Isaiah 1, God says that when we behave that way, that our prayers fall on deaf ears. God says that we are to repent and to live according to His Word, which is the Holy Bible. I can tell you from personal experience, and from my conversations with God, that the Holy Bible is not just an old book, that God meant every word, and that God still means it even in this day and age.
God does not see things from a human point of view. God is, and always will be God. God is God with or without us. He does not need any of us, and He certainly does not need to see things from our perspective. The Holy Bible is God's Word to us, with promises, principles, requirements, and laws. God still means every word of it.
I have learned from these experiences. I spent so much time in bad relationships, because God was not there. Have you ever noticed that most of the break-ups and divorces occur when people are not walking the Christ walk? Or maybe, people would not have chosen to have those relationships in the first place, or would have made better choices if they had been walking with God.
I have learned that while "once saved, always saved" is true as long as we do not blaspheme the Holy Spirit, however, we still need to make Jesus Christ Lord of our lives again and again. After I began walking the Christ walk, it took a while before I began to actually hear from God, but once I began to hear from God, He and I went through a time when we discussed my past. I asked God if He remember this time or that time, and His answer to me was, "No, I was not there then". Looking back now, I remember that exact moment that I fell from the grace of God. Although I had not fallen from salvation, I had fallen from the grace of God, and God left me at that moment. That is not His fault, it was clearly mine. It happened in a moment when I decided to rebel against God. It was that choice that I made in that moment that made God leave me. That is how I know that some people will have to make Jesus Christ Lord of the their lives more than once. God waits and listens for us to say the Sinner's prayer, to make Jesus Christ Lord of our lives, and that is when God is there for us.
My hope is to help people. Some people need to understand what they are going through. Some people need to know that someone else has been there and survived. Other people are making those choices now.
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